Alright folks, we’re jumping into the gritty, grimy, and somewhat bewildering film that is Thine Ears Shall Bleed, the debut feature from Ben Bigelow. This flick is a weird lovechild between a lower budget and quality version of The Witch, a bad acid trip in the Montana wilderness, and your weird uncle’s obsession with pipe organs. Yeah, you read that right—pipe organs. Now, let’s crack this sucker open and see what’s under the hood.

The movie kicks off in the 1860s, which, judging by the Thatcher family’s general vibe, was a time when people got lost in the woods and immediately assumed God was speaking to them. Reverend Ezekiel Thatcher (played by Andrew Hovelson, whose beard looks about as real as a Party City accessory) is dragging his family—wife Sarah, daughter Abigail, and blind son Luke—through the wilderness on a quest to retrieve a pipe organ for his new church. Well, they never get the damn organ. Instead, they take a wrong turn (literally) at a fork in the road and end up stranded in the woods, where things get spooky, religious, and downright nuts.

Ezekiel hears a mysterious noise from a valley—think “angelic choir but also kinda sounds like someone torturing an accordion”—and immediately assumes it’s the voice of God. You know, as one does. Things spiral out of control as Ezekiel becomes convinced they’re chosen to build a church in the middle of nowhere, despite his family’s growing concerns that maybe, just maybe, they’re actually being stalked by something a bit more satanic than divine.

Ben Bigelow, making his directorial debut, is clearly aiming for some high-concept horror here. It’s like he’s waving at Robert Eggers from across the cafeteria, but Eggers is too busy making films like The Witch to notice. Bigelow and his co-writer William Bigelow craft a story that’s dripping in religious mania and the slow unraveling of a man who really should have just gone left at the fork.

Here’s the thing though—Ben has potential. The movie looks damn good at times. The cinematography, courtesy of Chris Cavanaugh, is filled with sweeping shots of the Montana wilderness, making you both admire the landscape and feel thoroughly creeped out by it. But atmosphere only gets you so far. Bigelow stumbles when it comes to pacing and plot. The movie drags more than Ezekiel’s ego, with way too many scenes that feel like they’re building to something that never quite happens.

What’s the theme here? Well, aside from “don’t listen to creepy noises in the woods,” Bigelow seems to be going for a commentary on blind faith and religious zealotry. Ezekiel’s unwavering belief in his divine mission leads him down a path of madness, dragging his family with him. There’s a whole “faith versus reason” thing going on, especially between Ezekiel and his wife Sarah (Hannah Cabell), who spends most of the movie like, “Hey, maybe this isn’t a great idea, Reverend Nutjob.”

There’s also a demon in the mix—because of course there is. The movie hints at some kind of satanic entity lurking in the woods, waiting for the right pure soul to possess. But don’t get too excited, because the demon mostly stays in the background, like a creepy stalker who never quite commits to the bit.

Let’s get this out of the way: the script is rough. For a movie about a family losing their grip on reality, it’s surprisingly heavy on the exposition and light on anything remotely surprising. The dialogue feels stilted, especially when Ezekiel starts rambling about God’s plan. The family dynamics are undercooked at best, with everyone playing their designated roles like cardboard cutouts of characters we’ve seen in better movies. Abigail (Lea Zawada) wants to move to the big city, Luke (Duke Huston) is the loyal son who gets a miracle cure for his blindness, and Sarah just wants to get the hell out of those woods. Same, Sarah. Same. The script also tries to throw in some political correctness that feels about as subtle as a chainsaw to the face. At one point, Satan himself—this supposedly ancient, all-powerful evil—decides not to ravish Abigail because it might make her “uncomfortable.” Yeah, because that’s what demons are known for, right? Respecting boundaries.

Hannah Cabell as Sarah Thatcher is easily the standout here. Her performance is the emotional core of the film, grounding the madness of Ezekiel’s religious obsession with a steady, nuanced portrayal of a woman torn between her faith and her survival instinct. You genuinely feel for her as she watches her husband spiral into delusion. Andrew Hovelson, on the other hand, goes full ham as Ezekiel. It’s not a bad performance per se, but it’s definitely one-note. He spends most of the movie yelling about God, scribbling in his journal like a deranged fanfic writer, and generally losing his mind. By the end, you’re more annoyed by his mania than scared by it. Lea Zawada’s Abigail is fine, but the script doesn’t give her much to do other than roll her eyes at her dad’s antics. Duke Huston’s Luke is mostly there to be the miracle boy who regains his sight, but beyond that, his character is as underdeveloped as the plot.

If there’s one thing Thine Ears Shall Bleed absolutely nails, it’s the cinematography. Chris Cavanaugh makes those Montana woods look both gorgeous and terrifying. The landscape shots are breathtaking, and the use of close-ups during Ezekiel’s descent into madness is effective, if a bit heavy-handed.

That said, the film relies a little too much on the whole “isolated in the wilderness” vibe. After a while, you start wishing something would actually happen in those damn woods instead of just watching Ezekiel wander around muttering to himself.

The film’s sound design deserves some props. That eerie, ear-bleeding noise Ezekiel keeps hearing is genuinely unsettling. It’s a mix of angelic choir, wind, and something that sounds like a dying cat, but it works. The way it builds tension, making you wonder if the family is hearing God or something far worse, is one of the film’s few consistently effective elements. In fact, this whole idea is incredible in my book, making the first third of the film more compelling than the rest.

The film’s atmosphere also deserves a nod. Even when the plot is floundering, the feeling of isolation and dread is palpable. You know something bad is coming, even if it takes forever to get there.

For a movie with a title like Thine Ears Shall Bleed, you’d expect a bit more… well, bleeding. The film promises early on with some gnarly eye-gouging and ear-related nastiness, but it never really delivers on the gore front. The climax, in particular, feels way too tame for a horror flick. By the time the big “twist” happens, you’re more likely to roll your eyes than cover them.

Also, let’s talk about the pacing. The movie takes its sweet time getting anywhere, and when it finally does, the payoff feels underwhelming. It’s like the film is trying to build tension, but instead, it just drags its feet for 90 minutes, leaving you checking your watch.

Thine Ears Shall Bleed is not a bad movie, but it’s not a great one either. It’s one of those indie horror films that tries really hard to be deep and atmospheric but ends up feeling like a half-baked stew of religious mania, satanic symbols, and undercooked family drama. The cinematography is top-notch, and Hannah Cabell delivers a standout performance, but the script, pacing, and lack of real scares hold it back.

If you’re into slow-burn horror with religious undertones and don’t mind a lack of gore, give it a watch. But if you’re looking for something truly terrifying, you might want to look elsewhere—maybe to the left side of that fork in the road.