I still distinctly remember my theatrical experience watching the original The Strangers. Despite it’s very simple premise, it was absolutely horrifying and had me on the edge of my seat throughout the film… desperately rooting for the home invasion victims to escape. In fact, I think it’s the scariest experience I’ve had on the big screen. Ten years later we got a sequel, The Strangers: Prey at Night. Though it got critically panned, I dug how they leaned into the retro-slasher take on our masked trio.

When I heard there was a Strangers trilogy coming, I was cautiously excited… well, it’s about that time to rip The Strangers: Chapter 1 a new one, and boy, does it deserve it. You ever watch a movie and feel like you’ve seen the whole damn thing before, but better? Yeah, that’s this one. Renny Harlin (A Nightmare on Elm Street 4, Cliffhanger, Die Hard 2) and his team of merry idiots managed to turn a once bone-chilling franchise into a laughably predictable mess that makes you long for the good old days when the trio of masked psychopaths actually made you piss your pants in fear, not boredom – yes, you read that right, I pissed my pants in boredom. Feel like a big man now, Renny?!

So, the plot follows Maya and Ryan, played by Madelaine Petsch and Froy Gutierrez. These two are supposed to be a cute couple inexplicably driving from New York to Oregon for a job interview (did you see that awesome Ally Bank ad?!?!). But their car breaks down in some godforsaken backwoods Oregon town, and they end up in a creepy Airbnb. Cue the masked psychos: Scarecrow, Dollface, and Pin-Up Girl. If this sounds familiar, it’s because it’s mostly the same setup as the 2008 original, minus any of the tension, originality, or, you know, actual scares.

Harlin, bless his heart, tries to recreate the suspense of the original, but instead, he delivers a lukewarm, reheated version of a meal that was already perfect the first time. It’s like watching a cover band butcher your favorite song. The characters are dumber than a sack of hammers, making decisions so idiotic you’d think they were auditioning for a Darwin Award. And let’s not forget the dialogue. While some lines are lifted straight from the original, in general it feels like it’s written by a high schooler who just discovered horror movies and delivered with the enthusiasm of a dead fish.

What about the scares? No! Don’t even get me started on the scares! Okay, fine, there are no fucking scares! Even with Harlin’s reliance on lazy jump scares, I don’t recall jumping once. The oppressive, slow-burn dread that made the original so effective is completely ignored. Instead, we get endless scenes of the killers peering through windows and standing ominously in shadows like they’re waiting for a goddamn bus.

Now, the supposed twist here is that this is Chapter 1 of a trilogy. We even get a “TO BE CONTINUED” and a pointless post-credits scene. Please o’ Jesus don’t allow Chapters 2 and 3 be so dull. You couldn’t even make one decent movie, and now you want us to sit through two more? Hard to get us invested with this. You know… I’m going to watch them, okay!?! But please spare me this experience again.

The only saving grace might have been the visual style, but even that’s inconsistent. Harlin seems to think he’s still shooting in the ’90s, with some decent blocking but ultimately nothing new or innovative. There’s a scene where Maya plays the piano, and later one of the killers continues the song, which is supposed to be eerie but comes off silly.

And let’s talk about the setting. Oregon, because apparently, it’s the go-to place for horror clichés now. The locals are your typical horror movie rednecks, suspicious and unhelpful, adding absolutely nothing to the plot except to stretch out the runtime. However, I think this is where the trilogy might be adding something a bit new. The film teases some town-wide conspiracy, but of course, it goes nowhere in this film. I suspect the town and the Airbnb are going to be important in future films. When the killers are asked why they are doing this, they respond “because you were here.” This is slightly different from the original line of “because you were home.” So, this suggests that the attack was not as random as it was in the original film.

Ultimately, The Strangers: Chapter 1 is a pale imitation of the original. It comes off as a cash grab, plain and simple, with zero respect for what made the 2008 film a cult classic. The characters are forgettable, the plot is recycled, and the scares are nonexistent. Do yourself a favor: watch the original The Strangers and Prey at Night if you want a real horror experience. This one’s not worth your time or your money.

Here’s hoping the next two chapters can make up for this shit. But if this dumpster fire is any indication, I’m not holding my breath.

Director: Renny Harlin
Writer: Alan R. Cohen, Alan Freedland, Bryan Bertino
Released May 17, 2024